We bring your part two of our SPECIAL REPORT on the evil clown invasion 2017.
It is the end. Horror authors T Fox Dunham and Phil Thomas have barricaded themselves into a small comic book store in Lansdale: Comic Zen. The clowns are on the street, attacking civil centers, homes, stores and reproduction using a pink taffy-like substance. Even a strange briefing from the CDC calling a national emergency doesn’t help when the CDC virologist, head of the Romero Squad, turns into a clown during the live update.
We’re in trouble. We warned you. For years, we’ve warned you on Clown News that the clowns were coming, now these weird alien undead creatures are taking over.
We bring on author and consultant, J Lee Dodson, to tell us about the clown invasion. J Lee–a bit flakey–has seen it coming for years and wrote The Evil Klown Survival Guide: A Guide to Surviving Terrorklown published by Grimlock Press. Lee shares with us clown life, culture and habit. He shares with us ways to defend ourselves. Listen to this man! He may save you from the terrorklowns.
J Lee Dodson
EVIL KLOWN SURVIVAL GUIDE
The Evil Klown Survival Guide will not only teach you about the history, knowledge and classifications regarding this new breed of carnivorous creature, it will also prepare you for the unimaginable – a world where TERRORKLOWNS become the dominant species.
Utilizing techniques such as: ghosting, staging safe-zones, choosing the correct weapons for battle and many more, will help in your daily task to survive.
This guide will help keep you and your loved ones safe … when humanity falls.
TOP TEN RULES OF SURVIVING A KLOWNED-OUT WORLD
1. ALWAYS keep your blades sharp to cut a klown down the middle like butter.
2. DO NOT decide to get up close and personal with your kill. It may be faking.
3. NEVER touch decaying klowns. The Klowning virus may still be present.
4. DO NOT use firearms against Alpha-Klowns. It only slows them down, it doesn’t kill them.
5. NEVER eat diseased klowns. The Klowning effect still remains in the corpses.
6. ZOMBIE-KLOWNS are not Hollywood fantasy, shoot them in the chest – not the head.
7. NEVER take The Quieting as a sign that the chaos is over. Stay hidden.
8. DO NOT eat popcorn from TERRORKLOWNS. It’s not food, it will kill you.
9. DO NOT run through hanging streamers, they’ll string you up for roamers to devour you.
10. DO NOT engage in battle with their leader – LAUGHING DARK. You will not win.
Michael Garrett narrates a fiendish and horrifying poem, set to demonic songs and music from the book, Hell At the Big Top:
Then the laughter died with a scream in the air
Fear rushed the crowd as all the funny klowns started to sneer
–Hell At The Big Top from J Lee Dodson
And British folksinger returns to narrate J. Lee’s section on the phenomenon known as the Unklown. We end the show with a confrontation with the TerrorKlowns.
She explained there were five full term pregnant women strapped to a crude man-made rack, with their bellies exposed. They were surrounded by strange klowns, which turned out to be, Un-Klowns. There was another ominous figure standing among the pack from the description she gave me, I determined it could only be a Dark-Follower.
–From The Evil Clown Survival Guide by J. Lee Dodson
Do we live or die? (Well, we usually end up dying.) But it’s funny. A strange melody, Clown Car, sings out our end. Of course, we’re just back next week.
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Sponsored in part by Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing.
(A Horror Medical Thriller Novel from Blood Bound Books.)
By T. Fox Dunham
(Host of What Are You Afraid of Horror & Paranormal Podcast)
FANGORIA gives MERCY 3.5 out 4 Skulls – “Dunham has channeled his many brushes with the other side into the exquisitely rendered, lyrical supernatural hospital thriller MERCY.“ READ FULL REVIEW HERE.
“Part medical horror, part supernatural suspense, MERCY is a hard-hitting fever dream of a novel. I enjoyed the hell out of it!” ~ Tim Waggoner, author of The Way of All Flesh and Eat The Night
“Pain and poetry flow in equal measure through these pages. Dunham’s prose strikes deep and hits all the right notes. MERCY is unforgettably vivid.” ~ David Dunwoody, author of Hell Walks and The 3 Egos
William Saint is dying of cancer. On most days death seems like a humane alternative to the treatment. Stricken with fever, William is rushed to Mercy—notorious as a place to send the sickest of the poor and uninsured to be forgotten—and finds the hospital in even worse condition than his previous visit. The grounds are unkempt, the foundation is cracking, and like the wild mushrooms sprouting from fissures of decay around it, something is growing inside the hospital. Something dark. It’s feeding on the sickness and sustaining itself on the staff, changing them. And now it wants Willie.
This was my death.
Life is an addiction.
Love is the only force that is real. Read . . . and understand what I saw. I put it in metaphor. You do not understand what you do not understand.
Author of Mercy – T. Fox Dunham
Clown Car by Phil Reavis is licensed under a Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 International License.
“The Chamber” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
“Lamentation” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
“Come Play With Me” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
“Ghost Story” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
All opinions of guests and content does not reflect the opinions of T. Fox Dunham, Phil Thomas or Para-X Radio.